Breastfeeding: My insight on the boob.
I'm certain that I have professed my feelings on the topic of breastfeeding, however, I'm sure it's okay to relive them.
After the 1am feeding this morning, I was lying in bed thinking about all of this and couldn't shut my brain off. So, in order to sleep tonight, or rather, have something new placed on my brain to think about, here was what I was thinking:
I feel that there are 2 kinds of breastfeeding moms:
Type 1: Breastfeeders who do it for the "bonding" with baby. I have found that more often than not, these moms are also the crazy ones who have their kid on the boob when they are 4yrs old. Gross.
Type 2: Breastfeeders who do it begrudgingly, and merrily for the health benefits. Oh and it's free.
Now, I'm sure you can guess which one I am... I for one hate breastfeeding. It is such a pain in the butt (or boobs). I probably feel this way since my milk supply is on the hyper-active setting but regardless, it sucks. I hate constantly feeling tied to either my baby or the pump. I've got to carry one or the other with me wherever I go! If I've got the pump, then I have to remember extra batteries, ice packs, wipes/water to clean the parts afterwards, and then finding a location to actual do the pumping (normally this is my car. If you see Petey parked randomly in a spot in the middle of an abandoned parking lot, most likely it's me). I hate how my boobs feel...engorged, lumpy and when the milk "refills" in the ducts, I can feel that and it hurts. My whole entire day is planned around my boobs. If I haven't fed/pumped in the morning, then I can't shower because all that hot water is going to produce"ol' faithful" results from the girls. Which side I sleep on at night even depends on which side I fed last and which side is on deck. Ugh. And even after the doc gives the all clear for sex, the boobs are still off limits. Constantly being in a bra, buying nursing pads to prevent leaks, nipple cream...evil.
And how can anyone "bond" with their baby while doing this?? I don't get it!! If I want to bond with my baby, it isn't going to involve fluid gushing out of my body parts, parts that are normally reserved for my husband's use. I want to cuddle watching a movie, play outside, sing songs or dance even. Bonding shmonding.
The times I have the baby with me and I'm out in public, watch out. Those are times that make me want to crawl in a whole. I hate feeding in public! I even have a nursing cover, blanket, and burp cloth, all at the ready, covering every inch of my body so nothing goes flying out. But still, it's a pain. And the looks from people are astounding. It's like I have malaria or a deformity or something. Like, "how could I possibly be breastfeeding a baby?! The nerve!" I could totally understand these looks and feelings if I had my boob all out for the world to see and/or I was feeding a toddler. But a newborn? Really? It isn't necessary society.
Which takes me back to type 2...the health benefits. Pretty much any and all kids I know who were not breastfed, are constantly sick. Even the ones not in daycare. It's amazing to me. Avery has had 1 ear infection in her 2 yrs and that, I think, is incredibly good. Formula is expensive and that is also why breastfeeding, for me, has to work. If it wasn't so costly, I'd give up the boob now for the bottle but I know that it isn't something we can afford. Well, we could, but then we'd probably have to eat ramen a couple nights a week.
So there you have it...my insightful reflections on breastfeeding. More to come later I'm sure!
After the 1am feeding this morning, I was lying in bed thinking about all of this and couldn't shut my brain off. So, in order to sleep tonight, or rather, have something new placed on my brain to think about, here was what I was thinking:
I feel that there are 2 kinds of breastfeeding moms:
Type 1: Breastfeeders who do it for the "bonding" with baby. I have found that more often than not, these moms are also the crazy ones who have their kid on the boob when they are 4yrs old. Gross.
Type 2: Breastfeeders who do it begrudgingly, and merrily for the health benefits. Oh and it's free.
Now, I'm sure you can guess which one I am... I for one hate breastfeeding. It is such a pain in the butt (or boobs). I probably feel this way since my milk supply is on the hyper-active setting but regardless, it sucks. I hate constantly feeling tied to either my baby or the pump. I've got to carry one or the other with me wherever I go! If I've got the pump, then I have to remember extra batteries, ice packs, wipes/water to clean the parts afterwards, and then finding a location to actual do the pumping (normally this is my car. If you see Petey parked randomly in a spot in the middle of an abandoned parking lot, most likely it's me). I hate how my boobs feel...engorged, lumpy and when the milk "refills" in the ducts, I can feel that and it hurts. My whole entire day is planned around my boobs. If I haven't fed/pumped in the morning, then I can't shower because all that hot water is going to produce"ol' faithful" results from the girls. Which side I sleep on at night even depends on which side I fed last and which side is on deck. Ugh. And even after the doc gives the all clear for sex, the boobs are still off limits. Constantly being in a bra, buying nursing pads to prevent leaks, nipple cream...evil.
And how can anyone "bond" with their baby while doing this?? I don't get it!! If I want to bond with my baby, it isn't going to involve fluid gushing out of my body parts, parts that are normally reserved for my husband's use. I want to cuddle watching a movie, play outside, sing songs or dance even. Bonding shmonding.
The times I have the baby with me and I'm out in public, watch out. Those are times that make me want to crawl in a whole. I hate feeding in public! I even have a nursing cover, blanket, and burp cloth, all at the ready, covering every inch of my body so nothing goes flying out. But still, it's a pain. And the looks from people are astounding. It's like I have malaria or a deformity or something. Like, "how could I possibly be breastfeeding a baby?! The nerve!" I could totally understand these looks and feelings if I had my boob all out for the world to see and/or I was feeding a toddler. But a newborn? Really? It isn't necessary society.
Which takes me back to type 2...the health benefits. Pretty much any and all kids I know who were not breastfed, are constantly sick. Even the ones not in daycare. It's amazing to me. Avery has had 1 ear infection in her 2 yrs and that, I think, is incredibly good. Formula is expensive and that is also why breastfeeding, for me, has to work. If it wasn't so costly, I'd give up the boob now for the bottle but I know that it isn't something we can afford. Well, we could, but then we'd probably have to eat ramen a couple nights a week.
So there you have it...my insightful reflections on breastfeeding. More to come later I'm sure!
I couldn't agree with you more. I hate every minute of it but do it for the health benefit. That and if someone even thinks you might not be breastfeeding they try to make you feel like the worst mom in the world! I don't understand how society can put such huge pressure on you that breastfeeding is what "good" mom's do and yet they freak out if you do it anywhere in public when you are completely covered. My husband wanted me to breastfeed too, but he even said, "i'm glad your not breastfeeding anymore. You're so much happier now!" when i stopped after 6 weeks with my daughter. And, I feel like those mom's that say they enjoy it and it bonds them almost brag about it. Maybe not, but that's how it feels to me. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only freak in the world that feels this way! Good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rachel! It's nice to hear someone that understands. I definitely agree with the pressure society puts to breastfeed yet like you said, they freak out when you do it, covered, in public. And I totally forgot to mention the crazy moms who make you feel horrible when you don't breastfeed your kid until the recommended 1 yr mark. As if I want a kid attached to my boob for a year!! No thank you.
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty. Chris did just fine not being breastfed.
ReplyDelete