Healing is a choice...a really hard one
My how times have changed. There has been an insane amount of shit that has happened since my last post, I wouldn't even know where to begin! So let's start with now....
I want to write about me, my thoughts and feelings, emotions, etc. stuff that sometimes people shut down and lock away and never want to bring forth. Why? Mostly because it helps me to write down and get out what I'm thinking. I've always been that way and I guess I don't see me changing now. Second, I'm hopeful that some of what I'm going through, others can relate to, and can then share their stories. I need encouragement. I need honestly. I need others to help me heal and grow and love!
I realize that my journey, and the people in it, have families and lives and people who care about them. I too am one of those people. I'm not here to point fingers or throw stones and condemn others for being worse than myself. We all have sin, we all have shit we wish we could take back. We all (hopefully) want to be better people and this is my way of helping myself become that person.
My story has many parts, filled with chapters and countless asterisks that lead to different parts and endings. I'll try and keep it simple; it won't be. I'm filled with raw emotions and feelings presently, so the things I say will reflect that. I won't apologize for it...the older I get (and I'm very well seasoned and wise, duh), I care less what people think. I've always had this character trait but it seems to have blossomed over the past several years as I've experienced some life changes. I don't have time for bullshit and I don't put on a fake front....I'm not living a double life, nor do I want to pretend everything is spectacular by posting some beautiful picture of me smiling with my kids at the park. I mean, yes, those moments do happen and things can be good!!! But right now, things are murky. Although my youngest kid did just ask to go to bed. On his own. Without me prompting him. So, I do sort of feel like I'm winning at life right now. Don't worry, all the coats are still laying on the floor downstairs, even after repeating multiple times every day to hang them up. Still not really winning.
I simply want to share; to encourage others and be encouraged; to LOVE. "We need people who let us know that it's okay to feel what we feel. We need people who want to hear it and understand. We need to trust that people aren't going anywhere when things aren't perfect. We need this security within relationships to feel safe. Otherwise, we're constantly fearful that honoring ourselves and our voice means a loss of love." Vienna Pharaon
I want to write about me, my thoughts and feelings, emotions, etc. stuff that sometimes people shut down and lock away and never want to bring forth. Why? Mostly because it helps me to write down and get out what I'm thinking. I've always been that way and I guess I don't see me changing now. Second, I'm hopeful that some of what I'm going through, others can relate to, and can then share their stories. I need encouragement. I need honestly. I need others to help me heal and grow and love!
I realize that my journey, and the people in it, have families and lives and people who care about them. I too am one of those people. I'm not here to point fingers or throw stones and condemn others for being worse than myself. We all have sin, we all have shit we wish we could take back. We all (hopefully) want to be better people and this is my way of helping myself become that person.
My story has many parts, filled with chapters and countless asterisks that lead to different parts and endings. I'll try and keep it simple; it won't be. I'm filled with raw emotions and feelings presently, so the things I say will reflect that. I won't apologize for it...the older I get (and I'm very well seasoned and wise, duh), I care less what people think. I've always had this character trait but it seems to have blossomed over the past several years as I've experienced some life changes. I don't have time for bullshit and I don't put on a fake front....I'm not living a double life, nor do I want to pretend everything is spectacular by posting some beautiful picture of me smiling with my kids at the park. I mean, yes, those moments do happen and things can be good!!! But right now, things are murky. Although my youngest kid did just ask to go to bed. On his own. Without me prompting him. So, I do sort of feel like I'm winning at life right now. Don't worry, all the coats are still laying on the floor downstairs, even after repeating multiple times every day to hang them up. Still not really winning.
I simply want to share; to encourage others and be encouraged; to LOVE. "We need people who let us know that it's okay to feel what we feel. We need people who want to hear it and understand. We need to trust that people aren't going anywhere when things aren't perfect. We need this security within relationships to feel safe. Otherwise, we're constantly fearful that honoring ourselves and our voice means a loss of love." Vienna Pharaon
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